What the hell is this?
Where the hell is Justice? Why is my right fielder swinging at pitches when he's in the batter's box? Damn, he's a free swinger. And an idiot.
Wait a damn second. Who is this idiot sitting next to me on the bench? Why isn't he rocking back and forth like Rainman? Bring back Rainman Pitching Coach. This guy is trying to light my foot on fire! Watch it jackass, if I hit my wife there's no telling what I'll do to you.
Oh flaming Christ. That's not Mark Lemke out at second base. That looks like some dumb outfielder. At least we still have a Mexican dude at short. Belliard was a Mexican, right? Same thing.
Shit. This team is doomed. Our first baseman is definitely NOT Sid Bream, and our rotation is 4/5 suck, 1/5 Smoltz. That's not gonna work. Who put this team together? Where is suspenders GM? Wait, you mean suspenders GM still works here? He's responsible for this mess?
Oh man, at least my bullpen is good. Sort of. On paper, anyway. These guys are no Alejandro Pena, I'll tell you that much. Now if I could just fucking remember if that was good or bad.
Wait a minute, we don't have a goddamn pennant from last season up on the wall. What is that shit? I came to the park in October last year and you're telling me I didn't have to?
This is bullshit, I'm gonna go get ejected and drink in my office.
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